now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
my being single is dangerous.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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