I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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