I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize