Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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