Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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