does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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