I didn't shave. On purpose
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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