the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
why do cheetos always look like penises
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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