she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
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Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
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