so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
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No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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