We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Hippo gnu deer
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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