her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
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I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
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It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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