Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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