My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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