Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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