dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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