call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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