I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
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