Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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