I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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