You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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