then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
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I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
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Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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