After last night, I could never be a politician.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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