Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
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He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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