yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize