Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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