I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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