He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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