My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize