I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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