so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
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I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
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Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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