I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
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