he wants to bone in the snuggie
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
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It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
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Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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