i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
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I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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