I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize