You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
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well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
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