we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
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