Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize