the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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