we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
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So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize