He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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