I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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