i just wanna soil my oats bro
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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