I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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