Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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