and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
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you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
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Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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