You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
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They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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