singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize