went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
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That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
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I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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