3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
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we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
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it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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